The Return of the Unwanted: The Oliver Story
by Ikotl
Summary: Oliver comes back R
1. surprise from under the sea

**We know this is corny, but everything was sad, so we decided to make this stupid and funny. sorry if u dont like it, you'll live.**

**Marissa- skinny alcoholic chick everyone falls in 3 with.**

**Ryan - hottie with a body from Chino**

**Summer- Marissa's BFF dates Seth, shopoholic**

**Seth - hottest nerd, in the history of nerds**

**Oliver: crazy hott guy. longs for Marissa**

**Luke: hott surfer dude, shaves his chest.captain ofthewaterpoloteam.**

**Setting: The Beach**

**Oliver crawls out of the water, scaring the fab five. Clothes torn, a sea urchin stuck to his toe, and is full of seaweed. It seems that he was in a rehab center in Hawaii, and swam back to her, here in the O.C.**

**SETH: hey whats that? Coming out of the water?**

**SUMMER: OMG Jaws!**

**(Everyone stares at her)**

**MARISSA: Sum, it was just a movie**

**(Summer embarrassed)**

**SETH: No, wait, but that looks like someONE.**

**RYAN: OMG **

MARISSA: OMG

SUMMER: OMG? Isn't that--

**LUKE: OLIVER! WTF. I thought he was in Hawaii.**

**OLIVER: hey gang.**

**(Everyone looks at each other) **

RYAN: Oliver, man, how did u get here?

**OLIVER: I swam (pulls seaweed out of his ear, and gets sea urchin off his toe)**

**SUMMER: Ew!**

**SETH: Yeah, we see that, dude. But what are you doing here?**

**OLIVER: I wanted to see Marissa. I've missed her terribly. I cannot live without her. I've tried hanging myself, but those stupid bastards cut me down. I've tried everything. Overdoes, guns, pills, hangning. I even paid an inmate to stab me, but it wasn't deep enough, so they stiched it back up…. The guy who did it got the chair.**

**RYAN: (Pulls out cell) We need to get u back there.**

**OLIVER: NO! (grabs Marissa's arm) I'm taking her back with me.**

**(Oliver jumps into the water, with Marissa, and swims back)**

**RYAN: (gets on his knees and cries) MARISSAAAAAAAA!**

**End scene.**


	2. off to hawaii

**Seth: whoa, not good. (runs to lifegaurd stand, but luke holds him back)**

**Luke: dude, what are we gonna say. "hey, some pshyco freak just swam **

**outta the ocean from Hawaii, and took our friend back with him." **

**who the hell is gunna believe that?**

**Ryan: Luke's right. We gotta go get her.**

**Summer: (looks at Ryan like hes Oliver) No, i mean yes, but ew. **

**There is no way in hell, I am SWIMMING to Hawaii. Why dont we fly?**

**Ryan: (raised eyebrows) I hate heights.**

**Summer: bus?**

**Guys all stare at her.**

**Summer:(realizes what she just said.) KIDDING.**

**Seth: We can go get my boat. We can buy it back, and go and get her!**

**Luke: Cohen, you're a genius. I love ya man! **

**Seth: Luke, um... your dad may roll that way, but I DONT.**

**Boat Dock**

**The three pitch in to help Seth buy his boat back from some crazy biker guy with the words,**

**"I love mom" on his arm.**

**Seth: Hello boat. I haven't seen you in a long time.**

**Ryan: Seth, you're talking to a boat.**

**Seth: yeah, well, i talk to a plastic horse, and that doesnt seem to bother anyone. **

**Summer: well, it always bothered me. (gives Seth the stare)**

**Seth: well, i guess we should get in the 'summer breeze'.**

**Summer: (stops and looks at Seth) but how? you had the boat before we even started going out. **

**pauses COHEN! can u say stalker?**

**Ryan: guys, rite now, my g/f is being held hostage by a guy who paid someone to KILL HIM. am I**

**the only person who is bothered by this situation?**

**Summer:your rite. let's go.**

**On the boat ride.**

**Summer: i guess i should've mentioned before, that i get sea sick.**

**the guys gaped at her.**

**Seth: you have no problem reminding me of your rage black outs, but you 'accidently' leave out **

**the fact that you get sea sick. What the hell?**

**Luke: hey look! i see land.**

**Ryan: uh, Luke. That's California. Your looking the wrong direction. **

**Seth: so, according to calculations, we should be there in about three days.**

**Summer: that is if we dont get eaten by anything.**

**Ryan: okay. no one is going to get eaten, by anything. no jaws, no giant squid, and no crazy sea **

**monster. (to Seth) when we get back, im pulling the sci-fi channel.**

**Luke: okay, well ,what are we gunna do for food. we only have a little bit, and we have soda to **

**drink. NO BEER. that could be a problem.**

**Seth: Luke, do you think that you can stop thinking about beer for 3 days?**

**Summer: yes please, b/c its making me sick. (leans over side of small boat)**

**All the guys: nasty.**

**the next day**

**Summer: ugh, omg. it's so hott. i wish i brought an umbrella, and some sun tan oil. i could get **

**the perfect tan by being in the sun and the shade.**

**Luke: (muttering in sleep) beer! no give it back, it's MINE!**

**Ryan: okay, dude. this was a bad idea. we should flag down the coastgaurd or something, and go back **

**and take a plane. I can deal with it, by just not opening my eyes the entire flight.**

**Seth: Uh, Ryan, look around. Do you see any coast gaurd? We are in the middle of the freakin' Pacific**

**Ocean.**

**Summer:oh great. good job Cohen, you got us lost.**

**Ryan and Seth look at her.**

**Summer: the middle of the pacific is bad. that means we are by florida rite?**

**Ryan: No summer. where do you think Newport Beach is? On the Pacific Ocean. We are okay. You know, **

**you should really pay attention more in geography then looking at yourself in your compact mirror **

**every three seconds.**

**Summer: you know what Atwood, Im gettig pretty tired of your attitude about all of this. She's YOUR**

**girlfriend, and we could already be there by now, and have saved marissa, but YOUR scared of heights.**

**You little chicken shit.**

**Ryan: what the hell! You're the one who suggested that we take a bus to HAWAII! that's not possible. **

**Your the one who acts all dumb just for the attention.**

**Seth: Ryan, take it easy. (whispers) she suffers from rage blackouts.**

**All of a sudden, Luke wakes up an starts screaming.**

**Luke: LAND! hey guys i see land. and it's not california!**

**Ryan and Summer look at Seth.**

**Seth: he's right. california is in the other direction. but, (looks at map) it can't be hawaii either. we are here, (points to a spot) **

**and hawaii is there (points to island)**

**Ryan: then what the hell is that? and how come its not on the map? (looks out to land)**

**Seth: well, lets go check it out.**


	3. the unknown island

**The four friends arrive at the "unknown" island, and pull the boat up on shore.**

**summer: uh, guys, maybe i could wait in the boat while you guys go look. okay? **

**seth: no. your coming with us, because something might eat you.**

**summer looks scared.**

**luke: or someone (added)**

**ryan: luke, shut up and start walking.**

**they walk and walk and walk and walk. until they hear some drums, and chanting.**

**ryan: uh guys?**

**seth: yeah i hear it.**

**luke: what the hell is that?**

**summer: wait, i recognize this song... they're oompa loompas!**

**all 3 guys stare at her.**

**seth: summer, honey... please stop talking. k thx.**

**luke: well, c'mon. let's go figure out what that is.**

**they follow the drums and the chanting.**

**ryan: oh my god.**

**see's 100 little men dancing around a big fire wearing nothing.**

**seth: ewww. dude, they're naked.**

**luke: damnit, and they're all guys too.**

**everyone looks at luke.**

**luke: c'mon! it's been, like three days since i've gotten any action! (looks at summer)**

**summer: ew!! no. luke! no! COHHEEEEEENNNN!!!!!!**

**ryan: what are they circling around??**

**seth: it looks like a chicken.**

**summer: chicken? what? oh no, just wait one minute!**

**pushes through the guys and to the naked, chanting people.**

**seth: um, guys?**

**luke and ryan back away. **

**ryan: dude, shes your girlfriend.**

**Meanwhile, summer has stood up on a large boulder and yelled for all of the people to stop chanting.**

**summer: okay. listen! you guys are about to kill a poor, harmless, deffenseless chicken! what did this poor little chicken do to you? NOTHING! Save a chicken and eat some veggies!**

**all of the naked, no longer chanting people, stop and stare at her.**

**naked person: OOHH! WOOOMMMAAANNN!!!!!!!**

**all the other naked guys: YEAHHH! WOMMAN!**

**summer: (finally realizes whats going on) COHHEEEENNNNN!!!!! jumps down from rock and starts running as all of the other naked guys run after her.**

**it finally occurs to summer that she has no idea where she is going, so she starts to panic.**

**conch shell blows in the distance.**

**seth: okay, so she'll follow the sound, and come straight to us, and then we can get the hell out of here.**

**luke: good plan. how did you think of the conch shell?**

**seth: eh, well, it's a little something i thought of myself.**

**luke pats seth on the back and gets in the boat. meanwhile, ryan is looking at him with "the look"**

**seth turns to luke: i got it off of Anchorman.**

**Blows conch shell somemore.**

**Summer: COHEN! COHEN! (finally reaches the guys) GO! GO! **

**the group sails away, staring at the creepy people waving on the island.**


End file.
